Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
