Princesses don't give blow jobs
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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