Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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