sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
