Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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