I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
