Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
