Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
