the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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