i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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