My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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