Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
