i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i barfeds in our rink
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
