I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
