last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
