you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
