My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize