Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
