This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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