every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
