I'm so fucking centered right now
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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