I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Randomize
