hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
the raccoons are back...
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