So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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