She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
