You really coming over, don't trick.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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