So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
