Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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