Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
