i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
