My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize