Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

(1-734): View more from Michigan

Shittttttt.

(734): View more from Michigan

Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

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(734): I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy. (1-734): Shittttttt. (734): Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy. http://tfl.nu/htfb

Replies (33) Good night (9870) Bad night (815)
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(510): View more from California

It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...

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(510): It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house... http://tfl.nu/3wgf

Replies (6) Good night (3403) Bad night (590)
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(516): View more from New York

you left your dildo in my car

(516): View more from New York

rules of finders keepers apply

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(516): you left your dildo in my car (516): rules of finders keepers apply http://tfl.nu/0377

Replies (20) Good night (3574) Bad night (1319)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes

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(860): I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes http://tfl.nu/kyj9

Replies (23) Good night (4461) Bad night (870)
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(754): View more from Florida

Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day

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(754): Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day http://tfl.nu/l2mr

Replies (6) Good night (2677) Bad night (740)
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(360): View more from Washington

Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary

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(360): Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary http://tfl.nu/g62g

Replies (14) Good night (2585) Bad night (3993)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.

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(414): Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch. http://tfl.nu/js8y

Replies (5) Good night (4667) Bad night (721)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.

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(252): My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck. http://tfl.nu/s2z9

Replies (19) Good night (1213) Bad night (2968)
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(773): View more from Illinois

despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am

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(773): despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am http://tfl.nu/0kp9

Replies (1) Good night (1218) Bad night (635)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier

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(616): Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier http://tfl.nu/md1b

Replies (2) Good night (2073) Bad night (458)
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(914): View more from New York

They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.

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(914): They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies. http://tfl.nu/g6fw

Replies (3) Good night (895) Bad night (405)
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(720): View more from Colorado

She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.

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(720): She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that. http://tfl.nu/2gzq

Replies (15) Good night (443) Bad night (1571)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.

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(267): I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten. http://tfl.nu/d8ik

Replies (10) Good night (841) Bad night (1175)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.

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(215): I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing. http://tfl.nu/pyii

Replies (15) Good night (1612) Bad night (428)
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(458): View more from Oregon

I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.

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(458): I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables. http://tfl.nu/1kx8

Replies (0) Good night (714) Bad night (172)

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