dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.