so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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