she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.