i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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