I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
