I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
