Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
