I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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