the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
