Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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