dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
