My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
