I only kidnapped one of them. chill
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
