Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
