I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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