Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Screwed.edu
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
