one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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