His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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