I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
