Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
