I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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