God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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