I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
