She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize