now i know why i became what i already was.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
