Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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