Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
