she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I had to cum in my sink.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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