This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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