come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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