i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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