Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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